Monday, September 27, 2010

To My Unborn Children, You Are In A Better Place Than I

For those that didn't know Lauren and I were pregnant. Unfortunately it was a tubal pregnancy, to which Lauren had to have surgery to remove the pregnancy. After the surgery we discovered that there might have been two babies, both in the same tube. We had talked that if we had a boy and girl twin that we should name them Xion & Cileste (Variations of Zion and Celeste). We have decided to name the two that, and we find it fitting, since both are in Heaven, and Xion means Heaven and Cileste means Heavenly. I write this entry (crying as I do this) to my two children whom I will get to meet someday in Heaven, two individuals that make me look forward to that day even more.

Dear Cileste and Xion,

At only 3 1/2 weeks inside your mother you had already made me a very happy man. A father is something that I have wanted to be for a long time, and you blessed me with your lives. Even though I did not have a chance to get to know you, I know that I love you both.
Selfishly I would want you to be here with me, it hurts thinking about not being able to watch you two grow up. But you are the lucky ones, the ones who get to see Our Father in Heaven. You will fortunately not have to deal with worldly problems, something that every father would love to be able to do for there children, but cannot succeed at. While you're up there, get to know your family. There are some really good people up there with you, and they have some stories to tell about your mother and I.
The two of you make me want to be a better man, and when you eventually have a little brother or sister, to be a good father for them. I will never forget the two of you, and I will always think about you. Even in the short time you were here, you meant everything to me.
There is so much I want to say, but I can't seem to figure out how to say it. I know you are happy and at peace, and you will be missed.

Your loving father,